Thursday, June 9, 2011

breakfast in jail

Have you ever wanted to have an exciting meal in a place you've never been, meeting exciting new people and enjoying a foreign service style? Go no farther than to jail! Just have a few drinks and drive 7 over in a 30 and you'll get the attention you deserve to get this meal.

Of course this dining experience is not for the weak-at-heart. You must have a strong constitution, but I've found that the same constitution is required when eating from certain vehicle-truck-food outlets or any manner of "fast food" establishments. Or when you are not certain that the cheese or the bread are fit for the sandwich you make at 2:30am but you eat it anyway.

The point is, you'll have an unexpected experience when you have breakfast in jail. If you plan to have this meal soon, remember one thing: hold on to your cup because they only give you one, otherwise you'll have to grab one out of the trash or trade sexual favors for the privilege of the use of someone else's. I can assure you that digging one out from the trash is much better.

So this is what you get, served in a modified elementary school compartmentalized tray: cold toast (lightly buttered), puffed rice cereal, an apple, milk, coffee (if you have your cup) and juice. Whenever I lament that I have allergies and can only eat the apple, I am glad that I am not in jail. Apparently, the young men who occupy the jail in the morning enjoy going without shirts. My friend, who recently had this experience, only drank the milk and ate the apple. He tried to get some sleep after that but I'm sure he kept one eye open at all times. Or two.

People go to jail. You or I might go there tomorrow. I prefer a life where I choose what to eat, but then again, there are meals that surprise us.

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