crywich

Felling depressed? Low?

Perhaps it's too early in the day for a drink or the pharmacy won't be open until Monday. It's no problem with a crywich. I recently broke my Margaritaville® margarita maker, so I sought out a sandwich and proceeded to cry.

A crywich isn't simple. There are some very important rules you must follow to find the perfect crywich. First of all, you can't just eat your favorite sandwich. If a crywich was that simple, I would have been eating ham and swiss on a baguette with butter and mustard in no time. You must avoid favorites in exchange for second-tier sandwich fixings. Instead of ham, for instance, I might have roast beef. That baguette? Multigrain sliced bread. Mustard and butter? No. Mayonaise. I don't dislike any of these substitutes, but they are not my favorites.

Certain elements are always appropriate for a crywich since they are solitarily depressing: hard-boiled eggs, Wonderbread, sweet pickles, American cheese singles, iceberg lettuce and "creamy" horseradish. Again, there's nothing inherently bad about any of these foods. In fact I love them all. The fact is that they are the red-headed step-cousins of more delicious substitutes. Choose at least one of these items for the perfect crywich.

A crywich is a cry-aid. Beyond whatever trauma you are experiencing at the moment (you ran out of gin or they cancelled the TV program you just caught up to on Netflix), a crywich is intended to make you think, "God! this sandwich makes me want to cry even more." Take a bite carefully because eating while crying can be dangerous, though you probably won't care. Just remember that a crywich is usually a suitable alternative to heroine.

Photo credit Cat at bigfoodfan.blogspot.com