Sunday, April 17, 2011

Tofutti: Cursed with more than a dumb name

Michael, the other contributor to this blog, is hilariously disabled from processing dairy. God knows he tries but you don't want to stick around after his last bite of that cheese sandwich. I make fun of him mercilessly since he has to ask for "no cheese" when I'm drunk enough to agree to go out to eat with him. It's embarrassing.

In any case, his dietary disability also exposes him to really gross dairy substitutes. He puts clearance soy milk on his cereal and stocks margarine in his fridge. Margarine. I only bring it up today because he made me tacos. Simple bean-rice-egg tacos. Of course I had cooked the beans perfectly earlier this week and his assembly as you can see was a little Holly Hobby, but there was nothing wrong with his tacos. I'm still full.

Unfortunately Michael forgot to specify that he had purchased a sour cream substitute. Please don't get me wrong, soy products are really great when they're great, but very poor when they're poor. The Tofutti company of Australia has decided to sell Michael a soy product which demonstrates the limited, almost destructive abilities of the soy bean. I generously applied the white substance which I believed (for good reason) was the real thing. The industrial cooks who invented this product got the texture just right, but upon first bite it became clear that they gave up before any of them considered the taste. Sour Cardboard.

Will I let Michael dupe me into another food replacement meal? Probably. I'm a little too hungry to say no.

1 comment:

  1. So you are saying that sour supreme is not in fact, supreme...
    how odd.